Monthly Archives: July 2018
Monthly Archives: July 2018
I did it all wrong with sleep.
I remember our first night in the hospital, my peaceful, sleepy son began screaming as soon as we turned out the lights and laid him in his bassinet. After picking him back up and nursing him again and repeating the process of crying and screaming I remember telling my husband, “Oh my God, I think he is afraid of the dark! Turn on all the lights!”
This of course did not fix our sleep problem but was the opening statement in a two year long journey that consisted of me doing everything you weren’t suppose to do. Continue reading
When I first became a mom, I was exhausted. I remember sitting on the couch all day just trying to survive to when my husband would come home. Sometimes I would even call him while he was still driving home and beg him to take me out to dinner.
We would pack up the baby and out the door we would go. I still remember sitting in Applebee’s, down the street from my home, nursing a baby while trying to eat a steak dinner that my husband had to cut up for me and drinking a glass of red win.
Inevitably, I would always end up next to a whole bunch of old ladies glaring at me and whispering around what a terrible mother I was drinking and nursing. Back then, I didn’t care, I was just so happy to see a different place that wasn’t the same four walls.Continue reading
There are many different kinds of moms.
There are the working moms and the stay at home moms course. But within that there is the attachment parenting mom, the boy mom, the girl mom, the co-sleeping mom, the formula fed mom, the breast-feeding mom, the exercise mom, the activities mom and the list could keep on going.
This is a great thing, because through this we realize there isn’t one size fit all or that there isn’t one example of what the ‘perfect’ mom is.
Yet, often what I see happening in motherhood is the comparing of mothering styles. Everyone seems to think there is one way to be the perfect mom.Continue reading
There are many types of moms. For starters, there’s the mom who has to stay at home because they have no other options. This mom stays at home because she can’t make enough money to cover day care costs by working. So she has to stay at home.
The second is the working mom because she has too. Maybe she is the single mom, or her husband doesn’t make enough, or her husband can’t work. Either way, every day she has to go to work no matter what she wants.
These moms have it rough. It is because the choice has been made for them. They don’t get to pick. There are two other types of moms though. The lucky ones, I think. They had control over their choice and either chose:
You know those moms that you see in the grocery store, at “Mommy and Me” classes, or at story time at the local library?
The ones with two or three kids who are well behaved. The mom that has the super cute outfit on that she claims she just threw together from Target or Kohl’s. She always has the long hair that has those perfect styled waves and highlights.
Of course, she has the accessories, like a chunky necklace, cute earrings, and bangled bracelets. She never looks tired or a mess. She is skinny even though her baby is six months old and you know she isn’t eating last night’s left over mac and cheese for breakfast.
Yeah, I know her too. However, let me be very clear: I am not her.Continue reading
You never know what will cause it. Sometimes it is a voice, a word, a story, a season. Sometimes it is obvious that it is coming and you can prepare yourself, gird yourself. But then you have days like today, where you sink into the darkness, it surrounds you, engulfs you, sucks the breath right out of you, leaving you gasping. You didn’t see it coming, it snuck up on you. Now you’re left, standing in a crowded room, driving down a busy highway, alone. The voices drift away, the highway roar dulls but you continue to move, smiling, driving, walking, and existing. Like nothing happened – yet everything changed. .
For me, most recently it was stockings. I was driving down the road and I started thinking about Christmas stockings and just like that I was blinded by pain, by memories, by coldness. See the truth is some memories follow you. Sometimes I forget that they are there. Sometimes I think for a brief moment that it didn’t happen, that it isn’t my story, that it isn’t part of me. Truth is, I would give it all up in a second not to feel this way, to not live with this story. I wish with everything in me that I could go back, make a different decision and keep my innocence.Continue reading