I remember the morning I went into labor.
It was 3:30 am and my water broke.
I took a shower, got myself cleaned up and went and laid in bed with my son. He snuggled up close to me, holding my hand and I took a couple pictures of us knowing that this was the last moment there’s going to be just the two of us.
This was the happiest and scariest moment in my life.
A Flurry Of Emotions
I couldn’t wait to meet my daughter but at the same time, I was morning the loss of my one on one time with my son. In the weeks, that led up to my daughter’s birth, I was fanatical about wanting to make sure that every day was a perfect day so someday I could tell him; “the day before your sister was born we had a perfect day.’
Well for him the day before his sister was born we had a perfect day and at that time, I really believed this was the most important thing I could give my son. More so, on the day my water broke having those last couple seconds hugging him goodbye before I left was so important to me. Even when I was in labor, all I wanted was to go home to my little boy.
Yet, all of those feelings changed at 11:17 p.m. that same day. It was at that moment, this little bundle of perfection was put on my chest. It wasn’t that Davey suddenly didn’t matter or that my love suddenly became divided. It was this little baby needed me more. We stay in the hospital the next day and the following day my husband brought my son in to meet his little sister.
When Davey Met Maggie
For as long as I live, I will never forget the moment my son met his sister. I will always remember how I felt when he came running down the hall and he gave me a big hug. Then stood on a chair and looked down at his sister. Gazing down, he simply said; ‘my baby’. He immediately fell in love with her.
Suddenly having our last minutes together didn’t matter as much is having these minutes. Suddenly, having our Mommy and Davey adventures on perfect days didn’t matter as much as having Mommy, Davey and Maggie adventures. And suddenly, in a blink of an eye, we weren’t complete without her. It was like he spent his life waiting for the other part of his heart, just like I had been waiting for the last piece of mine.
The Joy Of It All
Sure, there are some crazy moments like the time he found golf balls in his car seat and threw them at his sister, thankfully missing. Or the times when he decides to be a dinosaur and roar at his sister. Or my favorite, is when he yells ‘cock-a-doodle-doo baby’ every time she falls asleep. But this immeasurable love that they for each other tramples every fear, every worry, every bad moment.
So if I could tell you one thing, it would be – don’t worry about what you’re gonna lose but to focus on what you’re going to gain. Don’t worry about everything having to be the same for your first born but focus how much they gain each day by the addition of their sibling. And rest assure that it is true – your heart is big enough.
Here’s why I became a SAHM in the first place and put my feelings second.